The High Costs of Anger (Part 2) Self Help Articles | June 10 Kalen Ballage Jersey , 2004 ?Dr. Fiore,? the voice on the phone pleaded, ?I need anger ... classes right away. I blew up at my ... last night and she said it?s over until I get help.?As Kevin ... the first ni
?Dr. Fiore,? the voice on the phone pleaded, ?I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my girlfriend last night and she said it?s over until I get help.?
As Kevin recounted the first night of class Durham Smythe Jersey , he and his girlfriend had argued in the car over which route to take home from a party. Events progressed from mild irritation, to yelling and name calling.
Things escalated at home. He tried to escape, but she followed him from room to room, demanding resolution of the conflict. He became angry, defensive and intimidating.
Frightened Xavien Howard Jersey , she left. Later, she left an anguished message saying that she loved him, but couldn?t deal with his angry, hurtful outbursts.
Kevin said that he normally is a very ?nice? and friendly person. But on this occasion, his girlfriend had been drinking before the party. In his view Laremy Tunsil Jersey , she was irrational and non-stop in criticism. He tried to reason with her, but it just made things worse. Finally, as Kevin saw things, in desperation he ?lost it? and became enraged.
How should Kevin have handled this situation? What could he have done differently? What actions should you take in similar situations?
Option 1: Time out. Take a 20 minute time-out (but commit to returning later to work on the issue). Take a walk. Calm yourself down. Breathe deeply. Meditate. Do something else for awhile.
New research by John Gottman, Ph.D. Raekwon McMillan Jersey , at the University of Washington indicates that when you and your partner argue, your pulse rate goes above 100 beats per minute, and you enter a physiological state called DPA (diffuse physiological arousal). Once there, it becomes nearly impossible to solve the problem. You lose perspective. Your reasoning ability, memory and judgment greatly decline.
Taking a time-out allows both of you to return to your normal state of mind.
It is neither healthy nor necessary for you to explode as a result of being provoked by your partner. Our recommendation: Turn the heat down rather than intensify the pressure.
Option 2: Interact differently. Many couples like Kevin and his partner develop patterns of behavior that create miscommunication and conflict. Do you interact in one or more of these ways?
-Inattention; simply ignoring your partner when you shouldn?t. This is also called stonewalling or being emotionally unavailable when your partner needs you Jason Sanders Jersey , or not speaking to your partner for long periods because you are upset with them.
-Intimidation; engaging in behavior intended to make your partner do things out of fear. This includes yelling, screaming, threatening and posturing in a threatening way.
-Manipulation; doing or saying things to influence your partner for your benefit instead of theirs.
-Hostility; using sarcasm, put-downs and antagonistic remarks. Extreme or prolonged hostility leads to contempt ? a major predictor of divorce.
-Vengeance; the need to ?get even? with your partner for a grievance you have against them. Many dysfunctional couples ?keep score? and are constantly trying to ?pay back? each other for offenses.
Option 3: Positive interactions. Start by actually listening not only to what your partner says, but what he or she means. Partners in conflict are not listening to understand; rather Jerome Baker Jersey , they listen with their answer running because they are defensive. Unfortunately, defensiveness is another predictor of divorce.
-Stick to the issues at hand. Seems obvious but is very hard to do in the heat of battle. Focus and stay in the present.
-Learn to forgive. Research by Peter Larson, Ph.D., at the Smalley Research Center, suggests a huge relationship between marriage satisfaction and forgiveness. As much as one-third of marriage satisfaction is related to forgiveness!
-Communicate your feelings. Tell your partner how you feel about what they do Mike Gesicki Jersey , instead of accusing them of deliberately offensive behavior. Use ?I? statements rather than accusatory, or ?you? statements. Manage The Bandwidth Efficiently With Bandwidth Management Software Technology Articles | June 5, 2009 One of the issues regarding Internet cafemanagement was to serve the requirements and need of different users.Users come with different needs of Internet traffic speed and quota. Itwas really di... One of the issues regarding Internet cafemanagement was to serve the requirements and need of different users.Users come with different needs of Internet traffic speed and quota. Itwas really difficult to manage bandwidth on each client computerseparately. Multiple applications were needed to be installed on allthe client computers. All this was annoying and time consuming. Severaldays were required to set up and run an application in the cafe.However, now you don?t need to waste your time on installation tomanage the Internet traffic on all the computers. You can do it veryeasily in a few minutes with the help of bandwidth management software. Bandwidth manager software solves all the problems faced some yearsago. It directs and manages the download and upload rate on eachcomputer within your cafe independently, without interrupting theactivities of other computers. Clients can be limited to specifiedtraffic speed Kenny Stills Jersey , bandwidth quota, session time, and access limitations.
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